Two patients in a surgical ward got to talking about their problems.
Said the first, "I....I....I.....ha...ha...had a p...p..pppiles operation.Wh...
...Wh..What you are in...in...in...for?"
"I had my prostate taken out"
"Wh...Wh...What is that? Wh...What sym..sym...symptom di...did you have?"
"I peed the way you talk."
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JUICY TEST
A nurse put a screen around male patient's bed, gave him a specimen bottle and said, "I will be back in ten minutes for your urine specimen."
Another nurse came along and gave him a glass of orange juice. The patient was a bit of a wit. He poured the orange juice into the specimen bottle.
The first nurse came back and had a look at the specimen and said, "It's really cloudy!"
"So it is," agreed the patient, " I'll run it through again and see if I can give you a clear one." He then put the bottle to his lips and drank the content even as the nurse fainted.
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KISS IT GOODBYE
At a charity function a beautiful young nurse was selling kisses for 50 cents apiece to help a good cause. A stout old man in his fifties bought $5 worth of kisses and declared, "I'll double that order if you promise to nurse me if ever I am a patient at your hospital."
The nurse readily agreed and accepting the man's money said sweetly, " Thank you, sir. I work at St Mary's Maternity Hospital."
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PANCAKE IN BED
When Mrs Cook was admitted to a hospital, a friendly nurse asked her if wanted a bed-pan.
To which a perplexed Mrs Cook asked, " You mean I have to do my own cooking in bed? "
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