There was a construction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said ''Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell. The worker agreed and he was on his way.
When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said, “Ah! A new slave. We shall burn you and throw you in the fiery pits.”
Then the worker replied, “That wall could use a bit of patching. I could fix it first and you could throw me in the pit afterward.” So he fixed the wall. Satan, intrigued, asked, “What else can you build?” So the construction worker went about his job and made many improvements; in fact, by the time he was done, hell was a paradise.
It had air conditioning, pools, balconies, you name it. Within a few days, God phoned Satan and said, “I think there has been a mix-up. That worker was originally supposed to come to heaven.”
Satan replied, “No way -- he's built all sorts of useful stuff for us. We're keeping him.”
God then said, “Oh, yeah? Well, I'll see you in court. We're going to sue you for this man's soul and damages.
Satan just laughed: “And where are you going to find a lawyer?”
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FOOD FOR ALL
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man."We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then.""But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"
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BRAINY STUFF
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains Rs 50 per K.G.’ and another sign that says ‘Paramedic brains Rs 75 per K.G., Nurses brains Rs 150 per K.G, truck driver's brains Rs 200 per K.G. and lawyers brains Rs 1000 per K.G.’
So he asks the man behind the cash register, “how come his brains are only worth 50.00 and a lawyer's worth 1000.00?”
The man replies, “Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a kilogram of brains?”
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NEW LAWYER
Defendant: Your Honour, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?
Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
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