A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.
An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.
The zoo worker yells, "I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?"
"Calm down," the bus driver says, "I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies."
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GUN CONTROL
A man calls animal control to get a crazed gorilla off his roof. A van pulls up and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat and a gun. He hands the man the gun.
"OK, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated.
"Great," says the man, "but what's the gun for?""If I fall down instead of the gorilla, shoot the dog."
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END DISCOVERY
A policeman was directing traffic at a busy intersection when he observed a blind man and his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross.To his horror, he watched as the seeing-eye dog bolted across the street, dragging the blind man behind him.
On the other side of the road, the man pulled out a cookie and offered it to his dog.The officer ran to the blind man and said, "Don't you realize your dog could have killed you, and now you're going to reward him?"
The blind man said to the policeman, "Why, no sir, I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick his ass."
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SUPER MOUSE
Three mice sit in a bar. The first one brags, "I am one bad ass mouse! In my hood, we have huge mousetraps. I take the damn cheese out of all of them."
The second one brags, "Well, I'm a bad ass mouse too. In my hood, I mix rat poison with my milk and chug it down every night before I go to bed."
The third gets up and starts to leave. The other two mice both yell, "Hey chicken, where do you think you're going?"
The third one replies, "Going home to f**k the cat."
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