HUMOUR IN CHURCH

GREAT EARNER

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.The first boy says, "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
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GAS RELEASED

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the Fathers noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?", he asked."Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." Sister Susan explained, matter-of-factly.

A month or so later the Father noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?", he asked again."Oh no, Father. Just a little gas." She replied again.

A few months later the Father noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage in the convent.He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said -"What a cute little fart!"
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ANON WORSHIPER

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
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TANKED PRAYER

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends.The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.

He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in site, and the workmen were eating lunch.The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service.

As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say, "Maybe we'd better tell him it's a septic tank."
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