FUNNY HEADLINES

Funny Headlines

#Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty


#Man Jumps off 2nd Street BridgeNeither Jumper Nor Body Found


#Woman Improving After Fatal Crash


#Properly Drafted Will Reduces Anxiety After Death


#Study Reveals Those Without Insurance Die More Often


#Experts Increase Probability Of Big Quake in California


#Man Found Dead In Cemetery


#Gunfire In Sarajevo Threatens Cease-fire


#Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge


#Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery Hundreds Dead


#Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft


#British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply


#New Vaccine May Contain Rabies


#Steals Clock, Faces Time#Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say


#Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over


#Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead


#If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While


#Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide


And Funny ADs

#Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog


#Full sized mattress. 20 yr warranty. like new. slight urine smell.


#Nice parachute never opened used once slightly stained


#Joining nudist colony, must sell washer & dryer$300.


#FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition.$1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend.Wife knows everything.


MORE OF FUNNY HEADLINES


EYE DROPS OFF SHELF
PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE
LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK AT NOON
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER
DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES GROWING UGLY
PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
12 ON THEIR WAY TO CRUISE AMONG DEAD IN PLANE CRASH
KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS
SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED
2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 18 YEARS AT CHECKOUT COUNTER
MAN EATING PIRANHA MISTAKENLY SOLD AS PET FISH
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
QUARTER OF A MILLION CHINESE LIVE ON WATER
INCLUDE YOUR CHILDREN WHEN BAKING COOKIES
OLD SCHOOL PILLARS ARE REPLACED BY ALUMNI
GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT MAKES HOLE IN ONE
HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS
TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES
ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX
LACK OF BRAINS HINDERS RESEARCH
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGE
SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM
IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS
HERSHEY BARS PROTEST
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