BLIND DATE

A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her.

She wants more and they do it again. She still wants more and the guy, by now exhausted, says:

“Excuse me a minute I have to relieve myself.”

While out of the car, he notices a guy a half a block away changing a flat. He goes up to the guy and says;

“Look, I’ve got this gal in my car and I’ve given it to her four or five times and she still wants more. I’ll change your flat if you’ll take over for me.”

The guy agrees. He jumps into the back of the car and starts to go at it with the woman. He’s just getting to the gravy strokes when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them. The cop asks, “What’re you doing in there?”

The guy says “ I’m making love to my wife.”

The cop asks, “Why don’t you do that at home?”

The guy answers “To tell you the truth, I didn’t know it was my wife until you shone the light on her.
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BREEDING STOCK

A Welsh farmer drove to an animal breeder neighbour's farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your dad or your mum home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No, he went with Mum and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." said the boy.

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant".

The boy thought for a moment...and said,

"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
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LOVE, SEX ETC

Girl asks her mother: What is sex?                          

Mother: Sex is when you stop a car driven by a man who offers you a meal in a restaurant, and then you  spend some time with him in the hotel room, sleep with him once, and then each one go on his way and you have a hundred dollars bill extra in your pocket.

Then the girl asks her mother: What is Super Sex?

Mother: Super sex is when you stop a limousine driven by Chauffeur and a stylish man is sitting in the back who takes you to a luxurious villa, gives you a sumptuous meal with distinctive Caviar...and then you spend the night together in bed and engage in sex more than once, and then you part with an envelope containing a thousand dollars in your pocket.

And then the girl asks her mother: What is love?

Mother: Love is a lie invented by men so that they can have sex with you for free.
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