DRUNKEN TRICK

A man gets off the elevator at the bar on top of the Empire State Building. He is bowled over by the splendor and the view. He orders a drink, and then remarks about how there's a large open window with no guardrails or anything -- someone could fall a long way!

"There's no problem with that, it's completely safe!" says a man dressed in a sharp suit, glasses and a fedora. "Even if you fell out, the building creates a strong updraft current that will bring you right back to safety!"

"Huh?" the man says, incredulous.

"Sure, let me show you!" the man at the bar says, stepping to the window and allowing himself to fall right out.

"Oh my gosh!" says the newcomer. He bends over to look out the window to see what happened just as the man comes back up in the wind, right into the window, and lands right on his feet! Even his fedora is still firmly in place.

"That's amazing!" he says. "Does it happen like that all the time?"

"Yep, I've done it many times," says the square-jawed man. He offers to hold the newcomer's drink while he tries it.

"Here goes nothing," the newbie says. He leans out the window and falls out of the building — and all the way to the street where he goes Splat! The man in the suit says "tsk tsk tsk" and drinks the man's cocktail.

"You know," the bartender finally says to the regular, "you're really a mean bastard when you're drunk, Superman."
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BOSS AND MORE

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!

Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing$ mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of your worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company .

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

$incerely Your$,
Marian $hih

The next day, the employee received a nice reply like this :

Dear Marian

I kNOw what you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet .


NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .

Yours truly,
Manager

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A naked and drunken woman boards taxi in London one night. The Irish driver keeps staring, and does not start the taxi.

Woman: “Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?”

Driver: “I’m not staring at you lady…............ ......... ... Just wondering where have you kept money to pay me.

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DRUNKEN JOKES

DRUNKEN STATS

Ten per cent of all accidents are caused by people who drink. So it becomes logical conclusion that the other ninety per cent are caused by people who do not drink. Why can't non-drinking drivers stay off the roads and make way for the drunk?
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POOR HUBBY

Wife: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?

Husband: Sorry, sweetie, but I ran out of money. Or else I would have come fully drunk.
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PRICEY DRINK

Drunk: Aw, let me alone. Nobody cares if I drink myself to death.

Host: I do. You are using my liquor.
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SHAKEN DRUNK

" Oh, doctor, my hands won't stop shaking. "

" Do you drink a lot? "

" No, doctor. I spill most of it. "
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WIFEY CLONE

The drunk husband tried to embrace his wife, but she pushed him away.

" Excuse me, madam, but I thought you were my wife, " the man mumbled.

" You are a fine husband to have, " the woman replied. " Just look at you - a clumsy, drunken disgusting brute."

"Good heavens!" exclaimed the drunk. "Not only you look like my wife, you even talk like her."
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BREATHLESS

A temperance worker speaking outside a bar met a man coming out of the door, exuding alcohol fumes. She put a hand on his arm and said, "If you arrive at the gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor, do you think St Peter will let you in?"

"My dear good lady," said the man. "When I go to Heaven, I expect to leave my breath behind."
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OPENING HITCH

The telephone rang in the offices of the Alcoholic Anonymous. "I need help," said a drunken voice at the other end. "Right at this minute I am sitting in a room with 40 bottles of wine all around me."

"How can we help you?" asked the A.A. man.

"I thought you might be able to put me on to one of your members who has a spare corkscrew he is not using anymore." said the man.
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HURRY 'N' BURY

A drunk motorist was caught for speeding. "What's the tearing hurry," asked the traffic cop.

"I am too drunk to drive safely," explained the driver. "So I am hurrying home before I caused an accident."
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