DON'T WINK AT PHARMACIST

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says,

"This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry.... we can't hire you."

"But wait," the man says. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
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GENEROUS ANALYST

"Mr. Chilton," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last visit."

"Does that mean I'm cured?" he asked.                                        

"For all practical purposes, yes," said the doctor. "I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from."

"Well, that's terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I'd like to tell you something. Although our relationship is strictly professional, it's been one of the most rewarding of my life. I wish I could do something to repay you for helping me."

"You've paid my fee," the doctor said. "That's the only responsibility you have."

"I know," Chilton said. "But isn't there some personal favor I could do for you?"

"Well," the doctor said, "I'll tell you what. If you ever suffer a relapse, my son could use a nice portable color television."
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HOSPITAL MISHMASH

An Irishman was suffering from a severe headache. The Dr prescribed a treatment.

The guy decanted a double gin into his anus and got immediate relief. He passed the word around and soon a Scot worth his name and suffering from headache went through this treatment and got relief.

Finally a new convert tried to trace the origin of the remedy and located the original Irishman who started it.

When asked how he started this, he said his Doctor prescribed 'ANALGIN' for his headache !!!!!! (He read it as Anal Gin)

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

 'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask.'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and Heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them,Sir!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely..... .

A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

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HOSPITAL TICKLE

PROSTATIC STUTTER

Two patients in a surgical ward got to talking about their problems.

Said the first, "I....I....I.....ha...ha...had a p...p..pppiles operation.Wh...
...Wh..What you are in...in...in...for?"

"I had my prostate taken out"

"Wh...Wh...What is that? Wh...What sym..sym...symptom di...did you have?"

"I peed the way you talk."
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JUICY TEST

A nurse put a screen around male patient's bed, gave him a specimen bottle and said, "I will be back in ten minutes for your urine specimen."

Another nurse came along and gave him a glass of orange juice. The patient was a bit of a wit. He poured the orange juice into the specimen bottle.

The first nurse came back and had a look at the specimen and said, "It's really cloudy!"

"So it is," agreed the patient, " I'll run it through again and see if I can give you a clear one." He then put the bottle to his lips and drank the content even as the nurse fainted.
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KISS IT GOODBYE

At a charity function a beautiful young nurse was selling kisses for 50 cents apiece to help a good cause. A stout old man in his fifties bought $5 worth of kisses and declared, "I'll double that order if you promise to nurse me if ever I am a patient at your hospital."

The nurse readily agreed and accepting the man's money said sweetly, " Thank you, sir. I work at St Mary's Maternity Hospital."
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PANCAKE IN BED

When Mrs Cook was admitted to a hospital, a friendly nurse asked her if wanted a bed-pan.

To which a perplexed Mrs Cook asked, " You mean I have to do my own cooking in bed? "
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