FUNNY ONE-LINERS

# No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary.

# Two silk worms had a race, they ended up in a tie.

# A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

# Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

# I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

# A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

# The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

# When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

# Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'dam!'.

# Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'Ive lost my electron.' The other says 'are   you sure?'. The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

# Did you hear about the buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal : transcend dental medication.

# A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

# Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two tired.

# When a marathon runner had ill fitting shoes, he suffers the agony of defeat (the feet).

# How do you define a will? It's a Dead Giveaway.

# What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car?  A red carnation.

# A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

# A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

# When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

# Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

# When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
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