MOMMY'S MORAL
The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class : Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and money saved. But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy.
She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk."
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DADDY'S MIX-UP
Paddie was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Ten quid . ." she whispers.
He’d never been with a prostitute before, but he decides, it’s only a tenner. So they hide in the bushes.
They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It’s a policeman. "What’s going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I’m making love to my wife!," he answers indignantly.
"Oh, I’m sorry," says the cop, "I didn’t know."
"Well," he says, "neider did I, til you shined dat light in her face !!!
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