THE LATEX DIP

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't," she replied.

"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well," he thought. "I tried."

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"

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IRISH DRY HUMOR

GOLFER AT THE DENTIST                                                  

An Irish man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We  have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness,this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him. “

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SMILING STIFFS

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

 'First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile inspector', says the Coroner.

 'Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'

 The Inspector asked, 'What about the third body?'

 'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning.'

 'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.

 'He thought he was having his picture taken'.

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GHOST DENTIST

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth!"

The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them. "Thanks, but they're too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair... try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly!" With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "Oh I'm not a dentist. I work at the morgue."
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TOOTHSOME FARE

BEST ONE

Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.

Assistant: Why don't you marry her?

Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.
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SPARKLE!

Man: Darling, your teeth remind me of the stars.

Woman: Because they gleam and sparkle.

Man: No, because they come out at night!
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SLOW IS CHEAP

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $100.00.

Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.
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MATCHING

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
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YELL TO BILL
A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.

"I'm shocked!" she complained."This is three times what you normally charge."

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."
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YELP TO HELP

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.

Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?Patient: Why?

Doctor, it wasn't all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock cricket match.
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