HA...HA...HA....

Tippler Cripple

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

****************************************************************************

Clandestine Joy

A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!'

'What happened?' asked the friend.

'My wife found out..'

*************************************************************************

Speedy Sloth

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!'

Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'

The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

************************************************************************

Mum's The Word

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

************************************************************************

Lone Benefit

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their
various disorders.

"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But I guess it is impossible."

"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in three months."

"You must tell me what you did."

"I went to a faith healer."

"But I've tried that. My husband and I
went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."

The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time, dearie."

*********************************************************************