SHOCK PROOF
To avoid electric shock: Cut off current at mains before attempting repairs. Don't stick your fingers into the socket. Open the electric bill slowly.
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DUD CHEQUE
Mr R B Jones does not have a first or middle name, just the initials R. B. This unusual arrangement was never a problem until he went to work in a government office.
On the official forms for the accounts and personnel department, his name was carefully entered as:
R(only) B(only) Jones.
Sure enough, when R B got his salary cheque, it was made out to Ronly Bonly Jones.
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SLOTH TRAINS
Traveller: What's the use of having a time-table if your trains don't run on time?
Ticket Checker: How could you tell they were running late if you didn't have a time-table?
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DEPT OF PENS
A man was trying to write a telegram with a pen provided by the post office. After three ineffectual starts, he turned to the girl behind the counter and said, "Is this, by any chance, the pen used by King John to sign the Magna Carta?"
"Inquiries on the right," the girl replied.
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WORK FORCE
A guide told a bus-load of tourists, "The tall building to our left is a government office."
"How many people work there?" a woman asked.
"About one in fifty, I should say," answered the guide.
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NAKED FACTS
Three lovely women taking a stroll on a hot day came upon a lake and decided to swim. As they were about to plunge into the water, a man's voice said, "I am sorry ladies. No swimming allowed here."
"Why didn't you say so before we undressed?" the protested.
"Well," he replied, "there is no law against undressing."
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