QUALITY LINKED BONUS

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she can't help but notice the soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears in his bedroom!

There are three shelves with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering an entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for a young bloke to have such a large a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. All the while thinking to herself, "Oh my! Maybe this guy could be the one! Maybe he could father my children!"

She turns to him. They kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion, the woman rolls over, strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
**********************************************************************************

THE ODD MAN OUT

A couple is attending an Art exhibit and they are looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts 3 very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench; 2 have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis.

As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the Irish artist walks by and says, "Can I help you with this painting? I'm the artist who painted it."

The man says "Well, we like the painting but don't understand why you have 3 African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis, while the other two have a black penis."

The artist says, "Oh you are misinterpreting the painting. They're not African men, they are Irish coal miners and the one in the middle went home for lunch."
*********************************************************************************

WHY THE OSTRICH?

A man walks into a restaurant with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man.

"Same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I could just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "My second wish was for a chick with long legs..."
********************************************************************

SENIOR CITIZEN JOKES

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

******************************************************************************

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
******************************************************************************

MALE AND FEMALE BRAINS

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which over nine months, develop into a complete female baby.

The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead.

Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female.

Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs. If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak, and some of their cards are in their shorts.

This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls.

This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differ, but the center of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside.

Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man.

In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as "Engineers."

Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as "Fighter Pilots."

A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as..."Mr. Prime Minister" or "Mr. Member Of Parliament."
*******************************************************************

JOHNNY BAG IN RAIN

A woman was having a daytime affair while  her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with  her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull  into the driveway.
           
'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and  jump out the window. My husband's home early!'        
             
'I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining  out there!'
         
'If my husband catches us in here, he'll  kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the  rain is the least of your problems!'    
           
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs  his clothes and jumps out the  window!
         
As he ran down the street in the pouring  rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the  town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the  others, about 300 of them.
         
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under  his arm, he tried to blend  in as best he could. After a little  while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some  curiosity, jogged closer.
         
'Do you always run in the nude?' one  asked.
         
'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It  feels so wonderfully free!'  
         
Another runner moved alongside. 'Do you  always run carrying your clothes with you under your  arm?'    
             
'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly.  'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in  my car to go home!'
         
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little  lower and queried, 'Do you always wear a condom when you  run?'

'Nope....... ...just when it's  raining.
***********************************************************************

WHEN GUY MEETS GIRL

Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything.

" "Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"

"No," the girl replied.

"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"

"N-n-no," the girl replied.

"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on the level about this."

***********************************************************************

On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks:

Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee?

Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date.

The guy thinks for a minute and says:Well, what about the last date?

***********************************************************************

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.

After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.

"Your organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side."

Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."

***********************************************************************

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.

The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.


**********************************************************************

A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

**********************************************************************