A FAIRY TAIL

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each one wish."

"Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband," said the wife. The fairy moved her magic wand and, in a flash of blinding light, two first class tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry, my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a deal is a deal, so the fairy made a circle with her magic wand and, in a flash of blinding light, the husband became 92 years old.

The moral: Men might be ungrateful idiots, but fairies are... female.
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MOTHER AND DAUGHTER

I went clubbing last night.

Met a lady a couple of years younger than me, maybe 70ish, but still very attractive.

We laughed and talked and drank.

We drank and talked and laughed some more.

Then she asked me a question just about every man has fantasized about: she asked if I had ever indulged in a mother and daughter threesome! When I recovered my wits and replied "no", she said this was my lucky night.

Wow! It was one of those dreams come true!

I drove her back to her house, and she unlocked the door and led me inside. My heart was pounding.

Then she shouted up the stairs, "Mom, are you still awake?
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VIAGRA BONUS

Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills and the son said, "I don't think you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10.00 a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care" said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill."

The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said to Grandpa; "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."

"I know" said Grandpa, "the extra hundred is from Grandma."
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WHAT TO HOLD

As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' 

The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' 

As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up' says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming right up' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink,he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor... Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

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QUIRKY STORE

A little old lady went to the grocery store & put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitten."

The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, & the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat & brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.

The next day, the old lady went to the store & bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food.

Frustrated, she went home, came back & brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies.

The next day, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No - you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her.

So, the cashier put her finger into the box & pulled it out & told the little old lady, "That smells like crap." The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, "Now, my dear, can I please buy 3 rolls of toilet paper?"
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